Growing up, my needs weren't met. This remained true into my young adulthood, so to survive, I had to take on the role of caregiver. As I continue to live this life, I voluntarily take on this role because it's what I do when things are out of control; I also involuntarily take it on since I feel pressured into filling these shoes from experience.
The most significant side effect of being a caretaker is that you don't trust that anyone can take care of you. Unfortunately, this thought hasn't changed for me yet.
So what does it mean to take care of another?
In my eyes, some umbrella categories are financially, mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. This is tricky, though, because when it comes to intimate relationships, you need to make sure that it's a symbiotic relationship, with giving and take, not one partner falling into the caretaker role.
One's significant other is not their parent. Likewise, one's partner is not their sole provider. This caretaker role, and the memories and experiences that come with it, are the most considerable influence on my writing.
So far, I only have one finished and published novel out there, The Human Zoo. However, as I continue to write and publish, you'll notice something, my lead characters are mainly female, and they are severely independent. To a fault, a lot like me. They don't need anybody, and they won't admit that they need anybody initially.
As the story progresses, though, they tend to allow others in, whether platonically or intimately. These characters do their best to shed their past traumas and grow into new versions of themselves.
Sometimes, they succeed, finding a new version of themselves that is softer yet just as formidable as their old self. Other times, they are betrayed, let down, or put back into a worse situation, and they are forced back to the start. But, except for this time, they are more rigid and closed off than before.
This version of a character that I feel I relate to the most.
This is a direct correlation to what I try to do every day in my life. Although, in reality, I'm not going on incredible adventures, so my personal growth is more like a slow roast rather than a zap in the microwave, ha-ha.
I bring this up because I have been told by many people who have read The Human Zoo that it's dark. As I write the sequel, The Animal Order, it's just as dark. Sometimes, I have to say, "Kase, you doing okay?" Haha, I am, don't worry.
I'm also working on Alkire, my fantasy novel, and it too has multiple dark themes.
However, it will remain dark because these main characters are not just going on a physical journey; their biggest adventure is their mental journey to becoming a new version of themselves, whether good or bad.
I will continue to write this way as I continue to grow, learn and change. My writing will reflect this.
I'll wrap this up as I tend to; I don't know the point of saying all of these words; I simply felt inspired to share them.
If you're a writer or not, I recommend that you reach out to someone today whose opinion you value and share a random thought.
With the growing age of technology, pandemics, and altering the world, I feel we are all struggling to connect and communicate. I want to be able to find our way back to our humanity using writing as an extended hand.
Stay magical!
K. Rocazella